Hall Etiquette

I am starting to think that I work with a bunch of people that were raised by wolves. I expect to see Mogly from the Jungle Book walking down the hall any day. We already discussed bathroom etiquette and now I feel the need to discuss hallway etiquette. Today I was trying to quickly walk to the cafeteria to grab a quick lunch. I was going to get it and eat at my desk while I continued to work. I was walking fast because I needed to be quick and get back to fixing a problem. However, the pace cars were out. The hall is very wide. I think that 5 people can probably walk side by side through the hall. However, it is normally two people wide going each way. Not today. These two ladies were walking, at a leisurely pace, spread out as far as they could. The distance between them and between one of them and a wall was not enough to comfortably pass them. It made me think of how this happens on the freeways and the reputation that Utah drivers have. I walked behind them for awhile. I even coughed to let them know that I was there. No luck. These two were deep in discussion. I think one of their daughters is dating a loser and he is not treating her very good, at least that is what I overheard. Soon, someone started coming from the other direction. I thought this was my chance. However, they didn’t move over. The poor guy had to turn sideways to not bump into them. I wish I had a horn. After he passed I said enough and went past them on one side. I even bumped into one of them a little. I am sure they started talking about how rude my generation is. Anyway, I got my lunch and left the cafeteria. I turned the corner back into this same hall and there they were again. I think they may have done it on purpose because I passed them earlier. Well, this time no coughing and no waiting. I immediately passed them. I may have gotten some of my salad dressing on one of them. It was a total accident, sort of. Anyway, I decided that I must publish my rules of the hallway.

1. Don’t make eye contact until you are 3 paces or less away from the person coming the opposite direction. This helps to avoid any long uncomfortable stares.

2. Respond in kind. If you get a hello, respond with a hello. If you get a wave then return a wave. However, a head bob does not match a spoken word. Head bobs are only acceptable if you get a head bob.

3. Don’t block the hallway! The rules of the highway apply to the hallway. Maybe we should have a hallway patrol to write out tickets for hallway blocking and accidents.

4. The hallway is not an appropriate place to have a private/personal conversation. This includes face to face conversations and cell phone conversations. I am sorry that this lady’s daughter is dating a loser, but man I have enough of my own worries. I don’t need to add yours to my plate.

5. Always carry something (The George Constanza Rule). That way no one knows if you are working or slacking. Personally, I carry a lot of crap out to my car everynight. I leave it in my car overnight and bring it back in first thing the next morning. People think I am a totally dedicated employee.