Friday, November 21, 2008

If your going to DC don't forget your crack pipe!

I am so sick right now. I honestly believe that everyone in Washington is smoking crack!

First off, our government has already provided $300 billion dollars to “bail out” companies. Since then our government has also approved an additional $700 billion dollars to bailout other sectors of our economy. Some also believe that this number is a minimum and will go up.

Accepting this, I decided to see how much this would cost each tax payer. Below is my findings. Basically, it says that the average per taxpayer will be $439 per year for the next 30 years. They base their numbers on a few acceptable assumptions. I quote,
".. if the money is borrowed by the US using 30-year Treasury bonds, and if the interest rate is the 4.13% rate for 30-yr bonds todayand if taxpayers are burdened to the same degree that they currently pay taxes...The annual cost per average taxpayer is $439"

I can probably live with $850 in additional taxes per year, if it saves the economy, my job, and everyone’s jobs.

The entire basis behind bailing out wall street and the banks was that it will save jobs and eventually trickle down to us little people. I remember learning about the trickle down effect and I am sure it works. However, I couldn’t help but think about the last rebate checks all taxpayers got from Uncle George. It was based on a trickle up effect. Every taxpayer got $600 plus a little more for children. This was done to prevent a recession. I am guessing it didn’t work since we are here today. But, I needed to check.

In 2008 we all got those awesome checks. Here is what one source said was the effects.

“The economic stimulus is about 1% of GDP, which advocates say is large enough to impact the $13 trillion economy. Most economists agree that tax rebates will immediately lift consumer spending, especially if aimed at low-income families who are more likely to spend it than save it. For example, the 2001 rebate checks increased total consumption by 0.8% in the quarter that the checks were received and 0.6% in the subsequent quarter…
According to estimates by, each rebate dollar spent will generate $1.19 in additional GDP, while reductions in tax rates produced only 59 cents additional GDP per dollar spent. (Source: IHT, Bush calls for $145 billion stimulus package for economy, January 18, 2008)”

So, it sounds like the trickle up worked, even if it was just a little. About two weeks ago I was watching the news, CNN Headline news to be exact. I heard something that really shocked me. Below is a transcript.
“KAYE: But we did! The Federal Reserve says the average family in the U.S. is nearly $80,000 in debt, including mortgages. That's about $2 trillion nationwide. And consumers are saving less than ever. In the last four years, you've saved less than one percent of your income!”
What really jumped out at me was the $2 trillion dollars in total debt and an average of $80,000 in debt per family, including mortgages. If my math is correct, then $1 trillion is half of our national personal debt or about $40,000 per family. Can you see where I am going here?

I probably should have stated this earlier, but I am a gun loving religion clinging republican. I believe that our country and government were created by honorable me that received Divine Inspiration. I honestly believe that they are all rolling over in their graves at where our country is today. Finally, I don’t believe that the government should be bailing out anyone, unless they are physically or mentally unable to support themselves.

However, if we are going to spend $1 trillion dollars on a bailout, why not give that money to the people? That would wipe out half of the national average family debt. Not bad for the people and using the numbers from, that would result in about $1.19 trillion dollars in additional GDP, based on the results of the last round of rebate checks. Sounds pretty good too.

$40,000 per family would probably prevent a number of families from facing foreclosures and losing their homes. That is a good thing, right? Also, those families would be paying their mortgages on time, and that would be a good thing for the banks who are in trouble. Many families with high risk loans would be able to refinance to loans that are actually within their means, using the $40,000 to pay down their existing mortgages. That way we won’t have this problem again in a few years.

I also have to believe that a number of people would go out and purchase new cars. That would be good because we are already hearing rumors of having to bail out the auto industry.

In conclusion, I know that many people say the existing bail out package may not cost us anything and possible the taxpayers/government may make money on this deal. If you believe that I have some beautiful ocean front property you should see in Arizona.

I believe that we really need to start asking some questions of our elected officials. Namely, if the last rounds of rebates worked so well, why don’t we do it again this time?

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Winter has arrived

So, winter has come. At least as far as I am concerned. It is now dark when I get to work and dark by the time I get home from work. I guess my seasonal depression has come because lately I haven’t felt like my joking self. I am not really depressed, I think I am just feeling more reflective. Just the other night as I was tucking in my oldest son to bed, he asked me to tell him a story about myself when I am child. Generally, I try to tell stories that make him laugh or teach a moral that I learned the hard way. On that night I told him the story of my first dog, Bo. When I was about six or seven my family lived in Conway, Arkansas. We lived in a very old house in the middle of nowhere. The street out front was a highway and on the other side was a milk farm. For Christmas that year my parents got us a little toy poodle puppy that we named Bo. He was so small and sweet. He was the runt of the litter and the only one that survived. Our entire family just fell in love with this little dog. It was about a year later, as I remember, that we were celebrating Bo’s birthday. My Dad, a Marine, was inside the house making a cake for Bo’s birthday and my brother and sister where inside also. I was outside playing with Bo. He loved to bark at the cows and that day was no exception. However, on this day he decided to go into the middle of the highway and bark at them. As soon as he ran onto the road I started yelling at him to come back because I saw a big jacked up red neck truck coming. I screamed and yelled, but Bo was too busy barking at the cows. The truck came flying down and ran over Bo. I am sure that he did not feel a thing. I was crushed. I ran inside and grabbed my Dad. He ran out and picked up Bo. We took him to the backyard and buried him. Everyone was crushed in the family. Even my father was crying. My mom came home from work and I remember that we gathered on our knees to pray for Bo and for ourselves. We all tried to pull it together but as soon as we all got quiet, we heard a little more whimpering from behind the couch. My younger brother had climbed behind the couch because he couldn’t stop crying. We all lost it again.

I wondered why this story kept coming to my mind on that day. There have been no deaths recently and I have another dog today that I love very much. After a while I realized what it was. In the past year my brother and I have become estranged. I think that is the right word. My brother has left his family and is going down a path that I know will only bring him sorrow. I have only spoken with him twice in the last year and neither time ended well. I know that I said things that did not come across how I wanted. I was just trying to help. That image of him behind the couch crying left a mark on me that I have never forgot. I remember that I tried my entire life to protect him so that would never happen again. Just a couple of years later he mouthed off to a kid that was 4 or 5 years older than us. The kid came after him. I could have let him take his lumps, but instead I jumped in with a big stick and took that big kid on. Later, I remember him struggling with asthma. We went on our first extreme boy scout camp out. I was so worried that before we went on the big hike, I took all of the heavy equipment out of his pack and put it in mine. He never knew. I have always tried to protect him and help him. I never wanted to see him crying behind the couch again.

Now I see him going in a direction that I know will lead to sorrow and tears, and there is nothing I can do. I can no longer take things out of his pack or take on the big kid for him. It makes me sad.

Monday, November 10, 2008

The View

This posting is just for men. So, if you are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, please read no further.

Guys, I have discovered the way to get out of having to watch The View, Oprah, or any other girly talk show. I stumbled across this accidently the other day. All it takes is for you to talk during the show. Before you start thinking no way, I promise this is fool proof. See, our wives are always saying that we need to talk more. How many times have you heard, “You don’t ever share your feelings”, or “Don’t go hide in your man cave, come out and talk”. So, I say when the tv comes on and your wife turns on a womanly show it is time to start talking.

I discovered this last week when my wife was watching The View. They were talking about the election and Proposition 8 in California. They were spewing so much misinformation that I couldn’t contain myself. I started yelling at the tv. I started debating with the women and responding to all of their points. It got so bad that my wife paused the tv until I finished. I didn’t stop. I started explaining it all to my wife. I went off for probably 10 minutes. She then started the show back up and after just a couple of minutes I started talking to the tv again. Almost immediately she paused the show again. This time I was more restrained and probably only went off for 4 or 5 minutes. She then started the show again. Again, it only took a minute before I started going off again. She paused it again. But, this time while I was expounding about how uniformed these women were, she changed the channel. She turned it to a gender neutral show.

I couldn’t believe it. We only watched about 5 minutes total of The View. It took me a few minutes before I realized what had happened. I had literally killed two birds with one stone. I had watched The View without complaining and I had shared my feelings for almost 20 minutes. I was the man and I still kept my man card because I didn’t have to watch the entire show.

So, men when your wife turns on a touchy feely womaly talk show, you start talking. However, it has to be about the show. Make sure that every once in awhile you say something like “I am sorry, but I just can’t contain my feelings” or “I can’t help myself, this show just brings up such strong feelings in me”. That way your wife can’t tell you to sit down and be quiet because you are sharing your feelings. And, yes you need to stand up and walk around in front of the tv. This really shows that you are “feeling” strongly and also blocks her view of the tv.

One last note on this. Please don’t reveal this to any females. Also, use this with restraint. Only use it for the worst of shows. Don’t waste it on the Today show or Rachel Ray. This should only be used on Tyra, Oprah, or the The View. For the other shows you will just need to suck it up and suffer through.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Political Musings

Since the political season is finally over, I wanted to write a few words about some of my favorite characters. I hope you don't mind.

Hillary Billary dock
Hillary Billary dock,
The Hillary lost to Barack.
The girl was done,
She wasn’t the one!
Hillary Billary dock.

Hillary Billary dock,
The Hillary lost to Barack.
Her Bill was never true,
The dress made us all go ewe!
Hillary Billary dock.

Little John McCain
Oh my little John
Oh what did you do
We all voted
But not all for you

Oh my little John
Oh what did you do
We wanted to root for the war hero
But Barack was better looking than you

Oh my little John
Oh what did you do
We liked some of your policies
But Oprah supported him, not you

Oh my little John
Oh what did you do
We will miss you and Sarah Palin
But mostly her totally awesome hairdo

The Barack Obama Club
Sung to the mickey mouse club theme music
Who’s the leader of the world
The new pres of the USA?

Hey, you! Hi, you! Yo, there!
Here everyone’s got a say!

Barack Obama! John McCain!
Barack Obama! John McCain!

Forever let us hold our leader high!
High! High! High! High!

Come along and join the throng
The world gets better every day

Monday, November 3, 2008

Merry Early Christmas

I love Christmas. I have since I was a little child. Now that I have children of my own, I am even more excited. I can honestly say that I would rather get nothing for myself and just get gifts for my wife and kids. I love the looks on their faces when they open a gift. So, as soon as silly Halloween was over, I decided that it was time to put up the tree. I know it is early and we haven’t even gotten to Thanksgiving, but I have decided that with the way I eat, everyday is Thanksgiving. I give thanks for every super sized Big Mac meal. I stop and think about the fact that without the support of the Native Americans, I would not be enjoying my two all beef patties, lettuce, pickle, and special sauce all on a sesame seed bun. So, it is time for Christmas. A radio station has started playing Christmas music and we have started putting up our decorations.

Well, I had to edit this post. I may have lost a little of my Christmas spirit. I forgot how dang long it takes to put up our Christmas tree. I nearly burned out my drill again this year. However, I don’t know if it is all that Mountain Dew leaking out of my eyes, but I got a little misty eyed when I saw the tree all lit up again this year. Merry Early Christmas Y’all.

Happy Birthday Maddie!

So, my little girl is turning three this week. She is number four of five and the other four are all boys. Big boys, as you could tell from my previous football postings. I love all my children very much. However, it is very different with my daughter. See, I believe that families are forever. When two people, specifically a man and a woman ( I hate having to be so specific, but I don’t want any confusion on my beliefs), get married by someone with the proper authority they become an eternal family. The wife being “sealed” to the husband. The wife now becomes a member of her husbands family and continues down the family chain. Being a man this sounds great. My first three children were all boys. Each time we found out we were having a boy I felt my family tree growing wider and I liked it. Then came Maddie. She is the sweetest, most beautiful, most mothering, and smartest little girl in the world. Don’t believe me? Check out

Anyway, even before she was born I realized that one day she would get married and would technically be a part of someone else’s family. This did and still does not sit well with me. Whenever I think about her getting married I get sad. When I think of my boys getting married, I think oh yeah, way to go. I know that my boys will be fine. They will find a wonderful young lady, get married and live happily ever after. However, I have fear for my Maddie. What if she marries some jerk? See, it has been my experience that all of my friends found nice young ladies and got married. None of their wives changed and turned out to be total freaks. Some are freaks, but they were freaks before and we all warned our friend before the marriage. Apparently, some people like freaks, including my wife. However, I have a few coworkers and extended family members, that are female, that married a nice young man that turned out to be a freak. He wasn’t a freak before, but he sure is now. I feel bad for these ladies. They were tricked. Some are divorcing and others are trying to live with it. However, I don’t think I can handle that if it happens to my daughter.

So, I have implemented strict dating rules for my daughter. On the first date the young man must come to my house at least twenty minutes early to meet me and my sons. Here is how it will play out. I will be sitting on the couch and my oldest son will answer the door. He will instruct the young man to sit down next to me on the couch. Then he will sit on the couch on the other side of this boy. I will then introduce myself and all four of my sons from oldest to youngest. The other three boys will be sitting on the loveseat and other chairs in the same room. I almost forgot, we will all be cleaning guns at this time. Before you laugh, I am not joking. I will then inform him that my father was a Marine and that I would have been a Marine as well, except they rejected me for my “anger issues”. Also, every time I address him I will start the sentence with “Boy”. If he doesn’t answer me with “Sir” every time then I will explain to him that we show respect in this house and that he better start referring to me as “Sir”. I will then ask him about his self, including religion, car, grades, political preferences, and how many other girls he has dated prior. After this Maddie can come down. But, prior to their leaving I will lean in close to him and whisper in his ear, “You better not even think about touching my daughter because I have no problem with going back to prison”. Remember all this is on the first date. At first I started wondering what I would do on the second date. Then I realized that if I do it right on the first date, I won’t need to worry about a second date.

Anyway, happy birthday Maddie!