Monday, November 10, 2008

The View

This posting is just for men. So, if you are made of sugar and spice and everything nice, please read no further.

Guys, I have discovered the way to get out of having to watch The View, Oprah, or any other girly talk show. I stumbled across this accidently the other day. All it takes is for you to talk during the show. Before you start thinking no way, I promise this is fool proof. See, our wives are always saying that we need to talk more. How many times have you heard, “You don’t ever share your feelings”, or “Don’t go hide in your man cave, come out and talk”. So, I say when the tv comes on and your wife turns on a womanly show it is time to start talking.

I discovered this last week when my wife was watching The View. They were talking about the election and Proposition 8 in California. They were spewing so much misinformation that I couldn’t contain myself. I started yelling at the tv. I started debating with the women and responding to all of their points. It got so bad that my wife paused the tv until I finished. I didn’t stop. I started explaining it all to my wife. I went off for probably 10 minutes. She then started the show back up and after just a couple of minutes I started talking to the tv again. Almost immediately she paused the show again. This time I was more restrained and probably only went off for 4 or 5 minutes. She then started the show again. Again, it only took a minute before I started going off again. She paused it again. But, this time while I was expounding about how uniformed these women were, she changed the channel. She turned it to a gender neutral show.

I couldn’t believe it. We only watched about 5 minutes total of The View. It took me a few minutes before I realized what had happened. I had literally killed two birds with one stone. I had watched The View without complaining and I had shared my feelings for almost 20 minutes. I was the man and I still kept my man card because I didn’t have to watch the entire show.

So, men when your wife turns on a touchy feely womaly talk show, you start talking. However, it has to be about the show. Make sure that every once in awhile you say something like “I am sorry, but I just can’t contain my feelings” or “I can’t help myself, this show just brings up such strong feelings in me”. That way your wife can’t tell you to sit down and be quiet because you are sharing your feelings. And, yes you need to stand up and walk around in front of the tv. This really shows that you are “feeling” strongly and also blocks her view of the tv.

One last note on this. Please don’t reveal this to any females. Also, use this with restraint. Only use it for the worst of shows. Don’t waste it on the Today show or Rachel Ray. This should only be used on Tyra, Oprah, or the The View. For the other shows you will just need to suck it up and suffer through.


myimaginaryblog said...

I don't think I could have made it through even 5 minutes of listening to them talk about Prop 8 on The View. UGH!

(Oh, wait, I wasn't supposed to read this, was I? Pretend I didn't say anything.)

Laura said...

I just love your picture with the View. I so enjoy listening to the banter, but clearly, not everyone does. I guess no more watching Tivo'd girl shows at night!!!

Laura said...

I do enjoy listening to Whoopi and Elizabeth especially.

Laura said...

And I am glad you got to keep your man card.

Bonnie said...

Brandon I have been mulling this one over for a few days now. I guess the thought that came to me was that this could also work for the ladies when their man is watching football, and other contact sports on TV. She could change into to something "comfortable" and see what/who his true love really is...the remote or his favorite girl. It could be risky though for a lot of us. Having the remote win would be just too crushing.

Anyhoo,loved your whole theory on The View. Loved your photo with the girls and I too am glad you kept your man card.

There is just too much confusion right now in that arena especially in our neck of the woods. 1 man~1 woman works for me.

And seriously after canvassing some neighborhoods for Prop 8 and being asked by one guy how we will know if it is one man and one woman applying for a may not be that long before we really do have to carry cards! Gender ID right there in your wallet with the rest of your stuff. Heaven help us soon! Praying for the 2nds coming over here! B

thE toKen aSian said...

Ummm. How have i missed out for so long? Seriously, I am sorely uninformed. My mistake. It won't happen again. Yur blog is grrreat!

thE toKen aSian said...

Ummm. How have i missed out for so long? Seriously, I am sorely uninformed. My mistake. It won't happen again. Yur blog is grrreat!