Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Facebook Ulcer

I am relatively new to Facebook. My wife encouraged me to join to help me reconnect with all those people that I have lost track off throughout my life. I was afraid that this might blow my cover in the Witness Protection program. But after she explained that I can “reject” anyone that I am trying to avoid, I agreed to start Facebooking. So, I created a profile. I did a few searches and added some friends. It was mostly people that were already friends of my wife. I then did some more searches and found some old mission friends. I sent them friend requests and felt like I was somewhat cool again because I was now on Facebook.

My friends accepted my request and I felt really cool. Then I started getting messages from all these people about not updating my status. So, I went to my wife and discovered that you are supposed to put your mood on Facebook throughout the day. Sometimes happy, sad, even hungry will work. OK. So, now I have added statusing my feelings on Facebook to my schedule.

Then someone poked me. At first I got a little upset. I looked around for a way to get them back. I couldn't find how to poke them. So, I started looking for ways to kick or hit them. Still nothing. Then I went to my wife again. Apparently, poking is a good thing. Imagine my surprise.

It has been a couple of months now and I feel pretty confident now in my Facebooking. However, I am totally getting stressed out now. People have started contacting me asking me if I was in their physics class in high school. I don’t even remember high school, let alone some random person in one of my classes. But, at the same time, I don’t want to offend. Maybe they were in my class. So, now I am getting a Facebook ulcer.

Then the worst thing possible happened. An old girlfriend requested to be my friend. I didn’t particularly want to be friends with her, but then again I didn’t want to be rude and get a bad rating. I don’t even know if Facebook has ratings. They do it on ebay. Anyway, I dis cussed this with my wife and apparently, there are pre-established Facebook rules. You can be friends with a girl as long as you have never kissed her. So, I quickly said no thanks to the ex-girlfriend.

However, I still have my ulcer. See, I am not sure if I knew a guy named Steve in my high school physics class. And I can’t remember if I kissed him. As a matter of fact, I am not even sure that I took physics in high school. This is turning out to be way too much stress.


Bonnie said...

I totally agree, Brandon. How about those people that ask you to send them plants to save the rain forest...whaaa? I don't get it.

I mostly love the cryptic mood comments..half the time they don't even make any sense. I definitely don't need to know when a girl that was in my Star A class a hundred years ago is going to bed.

But at least most of the people I kissed in high school are probably in a rest home by now! Whew!

Hey I'm gonna ask you to be my friend on Facebook~you weren't even born then! I am sure Jim won't care too much! And even if he does by tomorrow he won't even remember!

Anonymous said...

haha, I love it

Laura said...

Yeah, I think the kissing rule is a must for facebook.

Heatherlyn said...

You are funny. My Mom kind of feels the way you do about facebook and it seems to stress her out a little more than it should. In fact, she's still unnerved that people are so open about what they say their status is.

As far as the kissing rule. My husband stayed friends with every girl he ever knew, kissed or not. I mean, if he did kiss them it was a almost 2 decades ago. It's no big deal. But our rule is that if you don't want to be someone's friend, if you say no, they never know. So just say no. In fact, we have blocked people from facebook. That way they just never see us on facebook again!

Brandon said...

Bonnie of course we can be friends. We have never kissed. But, we did have a moment at the Copa Cabana when you were a flamingo dancer and I was a bus boy. Oh the memories. Anyway, we must be friends if you are to be my secretary of the interior.

CaJoh said...

I actually put up a status saying that I'm too busy to catch up with my Facebook and the constant messages dropped significantly.

If they get too annoying you can always block them (the apps requests, not your friends).

Anonymous said...

This is exactly why I resisted getting on Facebook for sooo long while all my sibs were nagging me. It's not quite as bad as I feared, but still gives me heartburn sometimes if not ulcers.

I have a draft of a post for my blog that I keep hesitating to actually put up. So I'll put it in your comments and decide later. Here's my draft:

Facebook tells me I might want to add ___ as a friend, because, "You and ____ both went to BYU."

What Facebook seems not to know is that I also spent significant amounts of time over several months in my early twenties making out with ____'s older brother.

So, yeah, probably won't be adding ____ as a friend.

Laura said...

Yeah, probably good not to add some of those people you have "known" (in the Mormon sense---kissing) at BYU.) Hee-hee

Sal Gal said...

Brandon, you truly are hilarious! Facebook can be stressful! I have people wanting to be my friend from when I lived in England in 1986!!!! I even know you?!

And will you be my friend?!

Deanna said...

Oh Brandon, this is a gem. I love it. I have been laughing for ten minutes.

I'm going to read it to my husband right now.

Lauracita's friend.

Ryan Kendall said...

Brandon, your post's timing was perfect. My current FB status is "Ryan can't keep up with FB and blogging."
I use to ignore the friend requests from people I don't remember or really don't want to re-connect with and waste what little emotional energy I have left at the end of the day when knowing what kind of mood they are in doesn't make a bit of difference in my life.
That is until is started getting made fun of and laughed at and teased. It was just like high school. I eventually gave in to the peer pressure and started accepting all of the invites.
So, if you want to send me a friend request again...this time I'll accept it. :)

Grandma & Pop-pop said...

Well, Brandon, your post was my laugh for the day.

Aunt ginger

Grandma & Pop-pop said...

Well, Brandon, your post was my laugh for the day.

Aunt ginger

in time out said...

i laugh at this. i just joined too. i don't remember high school and it is truly weird to have people who remember me...too funny. love your blog.

Anonymous said...

I couldn't agree more! There is so much pressure. I have to "add" people I wasn't even really friends with in high school just so I don't get a bad reputation as a stuck up facebooker. Then there is all the pressure to make the status update funny/interesting so that I sound like a fabulous person. AND all the Young Women keep adding horrible pictures of me and now I am afraid I won't get invited to any parties! I need facebook ulcer medicine too!

T said...

oops, I've already broken your facebook rule... but really, there has to be a distinction between kissed and KiSsEd! and "kissed by" & "fully participated in the kissing"

I'm just going to go with the "kissed within 20 years" rule... that should... oh wait, can I make it 16?

I don't think I'll let my husband see your post - aside from being shocked at my comments we'll never get him on facebook!

pam said...

I am not interested in reconnecting with people from highschool. It is best left where it is - in the past!!

Great post, very funny!

Chas Hathaway said...

I've got my own rule of thumb. If I can remember a specific conversation I had with this person, then I'll accept their friendship. Otherwise, I just ignore the invite.

I might say, and I hope everyone agrees - there are a few things that EVERYONE should understand on facebook.

1. It is NOT rude to ignore invites - of ANY kind.
2. It is not rude or offensive to ignore someone when they pop up in the little chat box - there's no way they can know you're actually ignoring them anyway.
3. If you kick someone off your friend list, they will not be notified, and will likely never notice.

Anyone disagree with any of these?

- Chas