I know that independence day is not for a few months. However, I am feeling a bit more patriotic than usual. It must be the upcoming inauguration and all the media coverage. Like the story about how they only reserved 5000 port-o-potties and someone is threatening to sue because they have bladder control issues. Mind you, I am not making fun of bladder control issues. My family is notorious for losing control while laughing. I also hold the record for using more bathrooms than anyone else in the states of West Virginia and Virginia because I couldn’t hold it while tracting on my mission.
Anyway, back to the patriotic stuff. I was thinking of why I am proud to be an American and came up with a few items that I would like to share.
1. I am proud that we have the biggest, baddest military in the world. Being the son of a United States Marine, I get great pride in knowing that we could wipe any country off the planet. Not that we would, because we are a civilized nation and we don’t roll like that. But, it is kind of cool knowing that we could.
2. I am proud of the fact that our professional baseball teams are so awesome that we can have the “World Series” and only include American teams. I know we have the Toronto Blue Jays. But come on, isn’t Canada just our northern little brother.
3. I am proud to have been born in the country that started Taco Bell. Not only has this restaurant proven to be a successful means of maintaining Mexican heritage, but it has given us such wonderful inventions like, the Mexi Melt, Nachos Bell Grande, and the Bacon Cheddar Gordita Crunch. May God bless Taco Bell and may her doors always remain open, at least until 2am at most locations.
4. Finally, I am proud to live in a country that has an entire industry related to toilet paper. I mean we have Cottonelle (with those cute little puppies), Quilted Northern (made by little ladies quilting all day), cheap single-ply (which my company believes in), two-ply, three-ply, and my absolute favorite, Charmin “Aloe and E Lotion Free” toilet paper.
Before you get totally disgusted in me, stop and think about this. We live in a country with so much freedom, that it even extends to our freedom to choose our means of personal hygiene. I hope we will all consider these things as we swear in a new president next week and remember to always vote for those candidates that will protect our freedoms, even the freedom to pick our toilet paper.
God Bless America and those geniuses at Charmin!