Oh my heck! I was so tired of this Presidential election stuff. I felt like I was a fairly intelligent person. I graduated from High School and I am pretty good at Sudoku, but just the easy ones. However, I couldn’t keep up with all this fancy Harvard type math. For example…
“In a CNN poll of polls released Wednesday evening, Obama is favored to win by 50 percent; McCain by 43 percent and 8 percent of voters are undecided.” CNN.com
At first glance I thought wow Obama has got this all locked up. But, then I read that Joe Lieberman is now saying that McCain is going to win, after he saw this poll. I scratched my head for awhile and realized that I needed to pee. So, I went to the bathroom. As I was walking into the bathroom someone was coming out and I got wacked in the head by the door. Suddenly, like the dews from heaven it all made sense. I was looking at it all wrong. See, I thought that 50 + 43 + 8 = 101. Of course, it is impossible to have a survey with three unique answers equals more than 100%. I felt so stupid. Since, 50% + 43% + 8% equals 100% not 101% then sure McCain is winning. Our political leaders and media are so smart.
After this incident, I decided that I needed to do more research, because it all added up now. I found the following…
“Obama’s daily spending on campaign ads is four times more than McCain’s – $4.5 million to $1.5 million – according to an analysis by TNSMI-Campaign Media Analysis Group, CNN’s consultant on political advertising.” CNN.com
I can only hope that my children are learning the correct math, which I did not learn as a child. See, I thought that $1.5 x 3 was $4.5. But, clearly it is not. $1.5 x 4 = $4.5. Wow, I was so stupid.
Now that I have been enlightened to the real math and how the world really works, I have decided that it is my civic duty to run for political office. So, with great pride and humility (yes you can have pride and humility at the same time, it is a new math thing too), I take this time to announce that I will be running for President of the United States. I know that it is late in the political season, but I firmly believe that if I can help everyone understand the new math that we will all be free and our country will be a better place.
To achieve this I will not be holding rallies or doing silly commercials, those are such rookie things to do. Rather, I will be holding an open house at my home. Come on over and I promise that I personally will wack each and everyone of my constituents with my bathroom door. Then we can sit down and discuss things like how I promise to spend more money and cut taxes at the same time, and it will make perfect sense.
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Happy New Year 2016
4 weeks ago